Mother's Day

So I decided to pay homage to the momster and gather up a few particularly sweet situations where she showed her loving, compassionate motherliness. (It's a word!) You know. Those caring attributes all mothers exhibit. Here's what I came up with:

- SHARING She recently demanded we go to McDonalds. After watching me painstakingly select 10 perfect french fries from my little white bag, she casually reached over and dumped half of her box on top of them and said, "You shouldn't have gotten me this many. I never eat them all."

- CLARITY Yesterday she called me from the other end of the house, one of my all-time favorite things in the world, and said, "I thought you'd like to make me some lunch. I think I'll have a sandwich. A ham sandwich. With cheese. Grilled. With Mayo. Browned, but not burned." This request took about five minutes because every time I thought she was done I would start to walk away and she would add something else. Finally I said, "Is that all?" And she said, "Wait. Maybe I'd rather have soup."

- HELPFULNESS She just overheard me on the phone with the bank. I was saying that I hadn't received my statement and seemed to be locked out of my on-line account. She said, "You got your statement." I asked the bank employee to hold for a moment and asked, "Where is it?"
Mom said, "What?"
I (patiently, I swear)asked, ""The bank statement?"
"I'm sure I don't know."
"Mom, you just said I got it, so where did you put it?"
"I can't be held responsible for your things, Becky. It's just not right for you to ask me to do that."
I returned to the phone and said, "You know what, maybe I did get a statement afterall. I will look for that. But can you help me with the online account?"
Mom says, "Your password changed."
Eyeing this creature who looks remarkably human, I say, "I'm sorry, could I call you back?" I hang up and watch her for some sign of cognitive involvement. Nada. I say, "My password? Changed?"
"Someone called."
"About my password? Really? Where was I?"
"I can't be responsible for where you are every second of every day, Becky. It's..."
"...just not fair, I know. But the password changed? To what?"
"Scotty."
"The password is Scotty?"
"Maybe it was Marriage."
I stare at her.
"Or April. You were married in April, right?"
"August."
"Well maybe it is August, then."


Are you feelin' me, people? This woman literally rocks my world. On a nearly hour-by-hour basis. Oh Happy Day. Every Day. God love her. If we make it to next Mother's Day I intend to offer up some annoying things she's done...