Duck! Goose?

I am now spending my days with the parents looking for blogging material. Several of you remarked on my mother's unusual vocabulary. Yes, she can always be counted upon to have something to say, even if it makes no sense whatsoever.

One of her many quirks when communicating is her impatience. Example:

"Mom, that's the wrong button. Stop pushing buttons! Wait!"

"This is my remote and I can push buttons if I want to. If someone would take the time to teach me how to use this stupid piece of malarky I might be able to make it do what it's told."

"That's the problem, dear. It is doing what you tell it to do."

"Well, it clearly is not. Do you see Bob Barker on there?"

"He doesn't host Price is Right anymore."

"What planet are you living on? China? Of course he does. I tell you, Rebecca, I am starting to worry about your mental health."

"Too late for that."

And her need for the last word:

"You lost my card? How does a person lose a card?"

"Sorry."

"I mean, how? Does it have legs like a centerpede?"

"I'll keep looking."

"It profounds me how it could be here one minute and gone the next."

"It is a mystery."

"This is just ridicilus."

Silence...

"Oh, I give up. I am surrounded by incomparable people. What's the use?"

This makes her seem like a real sourball (to borrow her phrase) and she's not always like that. Well, I should say, people do tell stories of times when she was perfectly personable. The witnesses are mostly dead now, but the incidents are documented...somewhere. I'll start looking for them as soon as I find the 2004 Christmas card from the Logsdens (also dead) that I seem to have lost.