My Immodesty Knows No Bounds

Oh, lawd, lawd. What can I find next to embarrass myself doing? Say you are dying to hear what I did today...say it! Well, ok.

I am in the church kitchen, where so many bawdy things have happened of late, with my dear friend BJ (hi, Beeg!)and we are discussing my weight loss. I am so excited to tell her that I am really taking it off, that if I hold my breath real good, my skirt would just fall right to the floor!

I said, "See?" I start pulling the skirt up and say, "I can even put this up over my boobs!"

Well, dear reader, said skirt was rather short to begin with, so imagine what happened when I yanked it up over my considerable boobage. Yeah.

I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and turn to see little Justin, age 12, with eyeballs the size of saucers bugging out of his precious head. He ran screaming from the room. (That's happening alot to me lately, too.)

BJ is hiccuping with laughter and is calling, "Justin! Come here! I need you! Jus-tin!"

But, alas, no Justin. We surmised he had raced to the sanctuary and was hiding under a pew seeking the face of God to remove the mental picture I had so masterfully painted onto his brain. God is good, but I don't know if He's that good. This guy is toast. He will never look at thighs the same way again, I can tell you that. Years from now he will see a girl about to pull an article of clothing over her head and he will become numb struck with nausea and not know why. Kneecaps will make him blanch and stepping into a kitchen with women in it will make him break out into a cold, hard sweat.

And all because of me.

I am leaving my mark on the world, one unsuspecting innocent at a time.